I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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