There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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