I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
