and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
