My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
