you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
