meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize