I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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