somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
