I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
