marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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