He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
