You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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