I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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