We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
