Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
