The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
