Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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