no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
