New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
