i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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