My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
