I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize