If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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