you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
