I think I won the penis lottery.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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