Sry I called you an 8
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
