tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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