I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
