I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
