i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
