I hope mine doesn't look like that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
