The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
