Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
