Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
third nipple confirmed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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