i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
