a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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