I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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