I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
