I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
