I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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