I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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