I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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