I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
