i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
