Pappa wants mamma naked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
