well I can't set my house on fire every night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
