I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
