apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
