the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
