Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
