Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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