his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
