I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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