The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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