she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
