I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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