I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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