Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
