I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
