Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
