He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
