You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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