i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
try to milk me bitch
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